What Crisis?

What is the Crisis of Mid-Life? 

I’ll be turning 40 next month.  I know, right? Bet you never would have guessed. I actually find it amusing when I tell people I have been painting for nearly 20 years.  More if you count the few summers working for my Grandfather.  Ironically, at one of his jobs is where I saw my first Playboy magazine.  I still wonder if he made the connection as to why I spent all that time in the bathroom at 14 years old.  Probably not, because I’m sure he never snooped in the magazine racks of customers bathrooms.  Most of you probably don’t even know magazine racks were kept in the bathroom. That was before smartphones.  

Speaking of smartphones I’m typing this one on. While listening to a band I just discovered called “Ghost”. It’s hair metal from 2022. I’m digging it.  Perfect for dude turning 40.  

But in the 40th (but really guess the 41st) year of my life, I want to make it a point to become my best self.  Not just physically, that part comes easy to me when I put my mind to it. But also emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  There are many things in my life that I’ve experienced that I need to work through. Some I know of, and some I’m sure I will find out exist that linger in the background effecting my daily life. 

I’ve yet to lay out a map of what this looks like. But I know it will involve finding a coach to help me walk through things.  It may even involve other forms of ceremony that I’m greatly looking forward to.  Like breathwork sessions and meditation.  Plus some plant medicine thrown in the mix perhaps.  

Many people think of all the things they missed out on when they hit 40. I’m thinking of all the things I WILL miss out on if this doesn’t happen.  

See, my crisis isn’t really a crisis at all.  To me, it would be a crisis if one doesn’t make an effort to put their whole self forward. Is it scary? Hell yeah it’s scary.  But it’s also scary to simply remain a vessel carrying scars of the past that could be healed if given the proper attention to them.

Even a dead fish can follow the current.  

To be completely honest, I don’t know how or who I’m gonna be when I come out of this. Probably not much different actually.  Just a more calm, cool, collected, confident, and less anxious person. 

It might sound like I'm not happy with who I am as it stands.  Not necessarily.  I'm quite happy.  But, I don't put much work beyond thinking and pontificating on bettering my mindself.  Like, I know what might need done, and maybe even how to do it.  But I haven't actually done the work yet. I just think, when I was 35 I felt pretty good physically.  I was happy with myself.  I was running ultramarathons for crying out loud.  Ok, one.  But still.  I was in great shape. But then I gave attention to what I was putting in my body, and exercising more regularly and with intention.  And now I could absolutely kick my 35 year old selfs ass.  

I think I'm doing just fine, just like I thought I was physically when I was 35.  So imagine if I put some time and effort into my headspace.  It's unknown territory.  I'm excited for what is to come.  I want to be an asset to my family, my community, and my friends.  

Anyway....this will be an absolute journey.  One that will probably be slow, and likely relatively mundane, except for maybe a few breakthroughs here and there.  

But basically, I already have a motorcycle, so.....