Roller Coasters and Compassion

I hate amusements parks.  There isn't much else I would rather not do.  I'd almost even consider sanding drywall, as long as I could paint it afterwards.  

I've ridden roller coasters in my adult years and I still just don't get the thrill.  Do you go fast and take tight corners?  Sure!  And it is kind of fun.  But there is no element of fear.  There is no freedom.  You just ride.  It's completely safe.  I also can't seem to get past the idea of waiting in line for so long for 30 seconds of fun.  Some coasters people spend upwards of 2+ hours for a ride!  I just don't understand.  

But the line, one thing I do enjoy is spending time with friends and family.  But you can also do that over coffee, drinks, or sitting on one of the benches at the park.  

But this isn't really a post about why I don't like roller coasters and amusement parks.  Ok, it kind of is.  

I'm claustrophobic.  If being in a space where I can't get out is claustrophobia, that's me.  I can't even watch videos of people in caves without getting that panicked anxiety feeling.  So naturally, when that bar comes down or the shoulder harness locks in place....guess who freaks out?  Also why I don't like the middle or window side of airplane even though the whole airplane has me locked in.  But at least if we crash, I'll be right there in the aisle ready to go.  

I had a realization last night.  See, I never liked roller coasters.  When I was a kid I even hated going to amusement parks. I felt like a loser because everyone would be trying to convince me to go on coasters and I flat out refused.  "There's nothing to be afraid of" they would say.  And there really wasn't. So why did I resist so much?  I finally rode two when I was young.  The Comet at Hersheypark and The SuperDooperLooper.  The Comet was fine, it was a lap bar.  The SDL was not as fine as it had the shoulder harness.  

I don't think I rode another one for over 10 years and that was the Great Bear at Hersheypark.  It was fantastic....but as soon as the shoulder harness came down and locked in, those anxious, panicked feelings all came back.  EVEN though being locked in was a good thing. 

Did I also have this discomfort/fear of bring trapped when I was young?  I have to believe I did, I just didn't know that's what it was.  I wasn't scared of the coasters after all.  I had a legit anxiety response to being trapped.  Claustrophobia is/can be a symptom of other anxiety disorders.  And I know I often struggle with anxiety.  It is a constant challenge to be aware of how anxiety presents itself.  

So today, I can give my younger self a little compassion.  I wasn't "scared" of the roller coasters.  It was anxiety all along.  And knowing the situation I was in as a child, that makes a lot of sense now.  

If you have a child that doesn't like roller coasters...maybe it's not the roller coaster they don't like.  So you better not stand there arguing with them how they don't have to be scared and it's just a roller coaster.  Don't make them feel bad for not riding.  And also teach other kids not to make fun of kids who choose not to something like this.  

Sorry young self for thinking it was just cause you were a wuss.  You most definitely weren't.