Is This Love?
Alright...enough of Whitesnake. But what a great song from the late 80's.
This is a short one, but one that I want to write out. Do you remember, or are you currently experiencing that "might be love" feeling? Like, when someone really grabs your attention. You might not even know why, but you find yourself attracted to them, maybe even nervous around them. You don't want to make it too obvious and scare them, but you also want to do enough to "test the waters" and see if there is a mutual interest. Although...some bold people would just come out and say it. Hindsight says that's probably a lot easier.
But once that phase has ended and the two of you are together, assuming all goes well, have you ever found yourself analyzing every little encounter as a measure of love? Even the little moments. What if he/she feels somewhat aloof and not attentive to you, they probably hate you, right? Or that you must have done something that makes them want to end the relationship. That's what you think at least, but it's more likely they are just having a moment and not even thinking about their actions or the vibe they are putting off. And it's likely also a little of your insecurities coming through.
How many times when we want to feel loved by someone do we do this? We scrutinize every text or lack of. Every phone call. And now every social media interaction. I remember this happening to me all too often. Anyone else?
When I was younger, any relationship (not just romantic) I was in I would have those feelings. Those feelings of "Am I enough for this person?"
Today while I took the laptop from my son who was watching videos on it while playing xbox, I shortly and perhaps a little grumpily told him he had to pick one or the other as I reached for the computer. I guess I chose for him. In my mind, it was fine. Whatever. I've told him he can't do both on other occasions, but I don't enforce it. But that interaction made me think, how does that make my son feel? Honestly, I don't know. But how many other interactions do I have with my children leaving them wondering if I really love them today. They know I love them, but what about now? And now? And now?
I'm just taking a stab here, but I'm pretty sure kids want to feel safe and loved. It would be really hard to constantly think about EVERY interaction with them and making sure it's perfect. But this one just got me thinking about how many times my interactions with them are effected by other things going on in my life that have absolutely nothing to do with them. They don't know that. Maybe they'll think I'm sad or grumpy because of something they did.
Perhaps this could be remedied by checking in with each other occasionally. And maybe a lot of these feelings stem from our own childhood. Actually, I'm certain they do. Because what doesn't?
If you are ever feeling "not loved" by someone, stop thinking that it's because you're the problem. It's not helpful. Unless of course you are truly a jerk, then you wouldn't think you're the problem, you'd know it.
Anyway, welcome to Pondersauce. This is often how I write. Completely unscripted, it's just what comes out.
Is this love, or am I dreaming? This must be love, 'cause it's really got a hold on me......
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